Room 101

I’ve never claimed to be the most tolerant of people. The following things persistently get my goat.

Last update: 07.03.2009.

  1. Small talk. Say something worthwhile or enjoy the silence
  2. ‘Child on Board’ signs in cars
  3. “Haitch” instead of “aitch”
  4. “Almonds” without the silent ‘l’
  5. Those who are offended by swear words. They are only words
  6. “Expresso” instead of “espresso”
  7. Whistling. Wolf whistles are ok as there’s a purpose to them; but aimless, tuneless whistling is unfathomable
  8. Those who feed pigeons, therefore keeping the varmint populous. Ken was right there too.
  9. Those who use an acronym regularly without taking the time to find out what they stand for. Top tip: Acronym Finder
  10. Those who ask the time whilst they’re sittng in front of their computer – It’s right there in front of you!
  11. People who ask bone questions. Top tip: Google
  12. People who use cutlery knives as if they’re some kind of writing implement. This group of people always think they have impeccable table manners
  13. People who drive slowly. Especially those who hang behind me when I’m cycling because they can’t work out the dimensions of their car
  14. Push-chairs in non-push chair areas. They get in the way, they’re lazy and carrying the baby is better for you both
  15. Dummies/ pacifiers
  16. Sandwiches cut at right angles
  17. Sultanas/ currants in savoury food
  18. Western beggars. Stop kidding yourself. Get a job. And a haircut.
  19. Waiters who persistently try and take the chutneys away at Indian restaurants. I need them for the duration of my meal
  20. And waiters who take plates away while other people are still eating
  21. People who talk during movies, home or cinema
  22. The Mail and The Express newspapers and their readership
  23. Bitten or badly cut nails
  24. George W. Bush, Trump, obviously
  25. Obese people
  26. Obese pets
  27. People who don’t cross out the completed words’ clues when doing crosswords
  28. People who put burnt matchsticks back in the box…
  29. …or sweet wrappers back in the packet
  30. People who aren’t forthcoming in getting their round in. You know who you are
  31. The speed of the average pedestrian
  32. People who are obsessed with writing lists. Clever hey
  33. Mariah Carey
  34. Men who tuck their ties in
  35. Short sleeved office shirts
  36. Women doing their make-up or brushing their hair in public, surely it kind of defeats the purpose
  37. People who put their feet on your bar-stool
  38. Grubby mitts on my monitor
  39. Eating with your mouth open
  40. People in suits AND trainers. It looks ridiculous
  41. Pen-clickers
  42. Pen/pencil-biters
  43. Eamon Holmes
  44. Vanessa Feltz
  45. Angela Rippon
  46. Andie MacDowell
  47. Electric hand-driers
  48. Big Brother
  49. The outrageous wastage inherent to the civil service
  50. Heat, Closer, Hello, OK and Now magazines
  51. Doggy-doo-doos left anywhere that the public might go
  52. ‘Ms’. Get off the fence
  53. Women who try to conceal their year of birth.
  54. Short-sleeved work shirts
  55. The modern version of R’n’B
  56. Fake ‘smarties’ on gingerbreadmen
  57. Comic Sans
  58. People who pull the hand-brake on without depressing the button
  59. Middle England(ers)
  60. Richard Hammond
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James Killian Spratt

Hi, James Spratt!!

This is James Spratt!! I’m a sculptor, living in western North Carolina, USA; I’ve just been online about 4 months, ain’t it great! I’m a cousin of John Spratt, SC senator, an acquaintance of Charles Spratt, canuck artist (and I do like his style), and proprietor of www.sprattart.com, my newish and still-a-buildin’ website. Say, what’s your middle name?
Funny story: three pals of mine and I are on a Harley rally in Sturgis, South Dakota. I sign us up for a table in a restaurant and step out to wait. The girl yells “Spratt, party of TWO!” so I turn round to correct her, to meet James Spratt, from Oregon, and his new bride, on their honeymoon. Lots of “Gee, whizzing and laughs all around. Small world, huh. Wanna bet there’re 2.4 million James Spratts in the world? Only the census bureau knows for sure, har-de-har-har!! Nicetameetcha, gimme an email.

Yours, James (snicker!) Spratt

jspratt at cytechusa dot com