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Room 101

Wednesday, 5th January, 2005

I’ve never claimed to be the most tolerant of people. The following things persistently get my goat.

Last update: 07.03.2009.

  1. Small talk. Say something interesting or enjoy the silence
  2. ‘Child on Board’ signs in cars
  3. Those who say “haitch” instead of “aitch”
  4. Those who say “almonds” without a silent ‘l’
  5. Those who are offended by swear words. They are only words
  6. Those who say “expresso” instead of “espresso”
  7. Whistling. Wolf whistles are ok as there’s a purpose to them; but aimless, tuneless whistling is unfathomable
  8. Those who feed pigeons, therefore keeping the varmint populous. Ken was right there too
  9. Those who use an acronym regularly without taking the time to find out what they stand for. Top tip: Acronym Finder
  10. Those who ask the time whilst they’re sittng in front of their computer – it’s right there in front of you
  11. People who ask bone questions. Top tip: Google
  12. People who use cutlery knives as if they’re some kind of writing implement. For some obscure reason this group of people always think they have impeccable table manners
  13. People who drive slowly. Especially those who hang behind me when I’m cycling because they can’t work out the dimensions of their car
  14. Push-chairs in non-push chair areas. They get in the way, they’re lazy and carrying the baby is better for you both
  15. Dummies/ pacifiers
  16. Sandwiches cut at right angles
  17. Sultanas/ currants in savoury food
  18. Western beggars. Stop kidding yourself. There’s no excuse. Get a job. And a haircut
  19. Waiters who persistently try and take the chutneys away at Indian restaurants. I need them for the duration of my meal
  20. And waiters who take plates away while other people are still eating
  21. People who talk during movies, home or cinema
  22. The Mail and The Express newspapers and their circulation
  23. Bitten or badly cut nails
  24. George W. Bush, obviously
  25. Obese people
  26. Obese pets
  27. People who don’t cross out the completed words’ clues when doing crosswords
  28. People who put burnt matchsticks back in the box…
  29. …or sweet wrappers back in the packet
  30. People who aren’t forthcoming in getting their round in. You know who you are
  31. The speed of the average pedestrian
  32. People who are obsessed with writing lists. Clever hey
  33. Mariah Carey
  34. Men who tuck their ties in
  35. Tie clips
  36. Short sleeved office shirts
  37. Women doing their make-up or brushing their hair in public, surely it kind of defeats the purpose
  38. People who put their feet on your bar-stool
  39. Grubby mitts on my monitor
  40. Eating with your mouth open
  41. People in suits AND trainers. It looks ridiculous
  42. Pen-clickers
  43. Pen/pencil-biters
  44. Eamon Holmes
  45. Vanessa Feltz
  46. Angela Rippon
  47. Andie MacDowell
  48. Electric hand-driers
  49. Big Brother
  50. The outrageous wastage inherent to the civil service
  51. Heat, Closer, Hello, OK and Now magazines
  52. Doggy-doo-doos left anywhere that the public might go
  53. ‘Ms’. Get off the fence
  54. Women who try to conceal their year of birth. It’s got nothing to do with being a laaaydy
  55. Short-sleeved work shirts
  56. The modern version of R’n'B
  57. Fake ‘smarties’ on gingerbreadmen
  58. Comic Sans
  59. People who pull the hand-brake on without depressing the button
  60. Middle England(ers)
  61. Richard Hammond
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